5 Times Aziraphale endured awful Blind Dates – And the one he enjoyed
by Sony89
Summary: Aziraphale, convinced that Crowley will never love him more than a friend, craves Love and a relationship. Crowley, convinced that Aziraphale will never love him more than a friend, is determined to help his Angel find happiness, even if it's with someone else. Crowley sets up Blind Dates for Aziraphale that ... well they don't go well. Is there a chance for these two idiots to end
1. Chapter 1

Puberty had not been kind to the Them, but now at 19, the group was finally free of awkward new sensations of their bodies and changes to moods and body parts.

Aziraphale found that the four kids had grown to be very nice adults.

And now that their hormones were back in order, it was a pleasure to have them over for tea at the bookshop.

The four of them had ventured to London to attend university and further education.  
Adam, the young Ex-Antichrist with just a bit of celestial power left, had grown into a very handsome tall young man.  
Miss Pepper did not like it when others called her beautiful, but she was.  
Brian had put on some muscle and was the tallest of the group, while young Wensleydale had a kind of natural beauty and softness that made people take a second glance at him.

"If you are going to study environmental law...", Aziraphale said, handing a book over to Pepper that was fairly new - about two hundred years old or so - "Then you will need to read this. It describes a few of Leonardo DaVincis more experimental machines that could do wonders in modern science. But does anybody listen to me? No."

Pepper took the book gratefully and stashed it into her backpack.  
In just a week she would take her first classes at law school, hoping to one day kick butt in the courtroom and make the big corporations of the world pay for the damage they did to the environment.

"Thank you Zira.", she said.

Aziraphale smiled. He was still not used to being called "Zira". And only The Them called him that.  
Eight years ago his name had tasted strange on their young tongues, so they had shortened it. And now they stuck with the nickname.

Crowley decided to show up a few minutes later, a bag in his hand, hips swaying and grinning.

"Heyja, guys.", he greeted Pepper, Brian and Wensleydale. "He upstairs?"

Pepper nodded. "Yes. He managed to get blood all over his clothes. Again."

"Amateur.", Crowley sighed, but made his way upstairs to the Angel's small apartment, where Adam Young was taking a shower after discarding his soiled clothing.

"How does Adam manage to get so much blood on his clothes while dealing with old people anyway?", Brian asked. "I thought there'd be more... _other liquids_ to deal with in nursing school."

Aziraphale had been beyond proud when Adam had announced that he wanted to be a nurse.  
He wasn't sure if Crowley had miracled something up or if Adam had done exceptionally well at the interview, but the young Antichrist had managed to snatch a spot at a prestigious nursing school – with a full scholarship. Right now, during summer break, he was doing an internship at a senior citizen home, taking care of the elderly. And he loved it.

"I think Mrs. Wheeler had some transfusions today and one of the blood bags popped.", Pepper sighed.

"It wasn't that bad," Adam said, sauntering downwards with Crowley to join the others, hair still dripping and barely dry. He was wearing tight black jeans and a wine-red T-Shirt. A very expensive pair of jeans and a very expensive T-Shirt.

"Crowley, what did I tell you about spoiling them? Is that Burberry?"

Crowley just shrugged. "I'm not letting my godson run around in old rags. Besides, you just gave Pepper a present!"

Aziraphale wanted to reply with a snarky comment, but then saw the way Brian looked at the box of cakes on the coffee table. Time to eat.  
Brian, after being fed up by being beat by Pepper at sports all the time, had devoted his time to training and swimming. He was now the star of his university's swim team and on his way to being an Olympic athlete. Which was why Aziraphale thought he needed the calories.

"How is that quaint little bookshop near the Globe Theatre treating you, Wensleydale?", Aziraphale asked, changing the topic and handing out cake and tea to his guests.

To everyone's surprise (and to Aziraphales delight), the young man had decided that he wanted to open a bookshop of his own and not become an accountant.  
But first, he had to learn the ropes.

"It's fine. More than fine, actually.", he said, blushing.

Brian grinned.

"He has a crush on one of his co-workers.", he said.

"I do not!", Wensleydale protested. "Greg is just a friend..."

"_Is he now?_", Crowley smirked, leaning forward. "Tell us more about this... _Greg_."

Aziraphale sighed. "Crowley, don't tease."

"What? It's obvious that he likes the bloke!"

Brian snorted, Adam hastily took a bite of his cake and Pepper took a sip of her tea.

They did **_not_ **want to talk about feelings being obvious, especially not between the Angel and the Demon who were the most oblivious beings they had ever met.

Wensleydale, however, was desperate to change the subject.

"Zira, have you ever been in love?", he asked, not knowing that he had just kicked an avalanche loose.

Angels have the ability to lie. But Aziraphale had never lied when it came to the subject of love.  
He slowly put down is teacup into it's saucer, painfully aware that all eyes were upon him.

"I have been, yes.", he said, careful not to look at Crowley.  
He had been in love long before 1941, but at that fateful night at the church, the truth had hit him like a bomb.  
He was also absolutely and one hundred percent sure that Crowley would never love him as more than a friend.  
"But I'm afraid I was too scared to act upon my feelings. Bravery is something that humans have in abundance and I do no, it seems."

Crowley was unaware that The Them were staring at him.

It was the first time he heard that his Angel had ever been in love. And he was confused and jealous, and the realisation that Aziraphale had loved someone left a stabbing sensation in his heart. Who was this person that was deserving of his Angel? And how had she... or he not reciprocated his love?

Aziraphale still smiled, but it was a sad and nostalgic smile.

"I have to say I've been craving love for a long time now. Being cut off from Heaven, and seeing all of you humans sharing such intimacy. I'm a bit jealous, really. I would very much like to have a partner."

Just for a flash of a second, the demon and the four humans could feel the longing and the aching of the angels heart. He was lonely. And it took their breath away.

"Right.", said Pepper, getting her phone out. "Then we're going to find you someone!"

Aziraphale blinked in confusion.

"What?"

"What are you looking for, Zira? Man? Woman? Someone else? I'll set up a dating profile for you. We're not having our favourite uncle be lonely any longer!", she said with enthusiasm, typing away on her phone.

She did not react though, when Crowley slowly took the phone away from her.

The demon was looking at his Angel intently.

He was sure, absolutely positive, that the Angel he had loved for so long, would never love him back.  
How could he? He was a demon after all.  
But he would be damned twice over if he didn't find a human on this godforsaken planet that would make the most precious, deserving and wonderful being that he cared for, happy.

"I'll take care of that, Pepper.", he said, more serious that he had intended.

"I'll find someone for you, Angel. You're going to be happy."

Suddenly, Aziraphale was unable to protest.

He longed for love.  
_He longed for Crowley_. But he had long since accepted that the demon would never love him.  
Maybe, just maybe, he had a chance to be happy with a human – even if it as just for a little while.

"So you're going to set up Blind Dates for uncle Zira?", Adam asked, not excited at all. The Them didn't like this situation.

They had been watching these two idiots pining for each other for the last eight years. Pepper had intended to set him up with the most awful date ever.

Crowley nodded.

"I'll find the perfect mate for you, Angel. Even if it kills me."

And so, Crowley started the search for Aziraphales lover, ignoring the pain that spread through his heart.


	2. Blind Date Number 1

**Blind Date Number 1 – Nanny Ashtoreth takes action**

* * *

Crowley thought that it would take him ages to find someone who would be suited for Aziraphale. After all, his Angel only deserved the best of the best.

Only the most wonderful human would be allowed to worship the path the Principality was walking on.

He was surprised when just after a few minutes of thinking, a face from his recent past popped into his head.

„Huh...", he said, thinking it over.  
The human in question had been most pleasant. And if even he, as a demon, thought that a human was pleasant, then it meant something.

She had spent a lot of time with Aziraphale, they had liked it each other. They had been friends.

Yes.  
If it was her, then he was sure Aziraphale could be happy for a while – could even fall in love after a while.

With determination, and just a little bit of anticipation and joy, Crowley entered his huge walk in closet.

It was time to put Nanny Ashtoreth to action and arrange Aziraphales first ever Blind Date.

* * *

The Dowling Estate had not changed much in the eight years Nanny Ashtoreth had been away.  
The security technology had been updated, but that did not matter much to her. She was walking up the way to the estate, to the servants entrance, in her neat costume, her perfectly straight spine and her aura of properness.

She had called ahead of course. It was not nice to come to someone's house unannounced.

She still had an hour though until her meeting with young master Warlock.

Nanny Ashtoreth rang the doorbell and it was opened by a familiar face.

"Miss Ashtoreth. How lovely to see you again.", Higgins said, bidding her to enter.  
He was the oldest member of staff, the head butler of the household and he and Ashtoreth had been friends of sorts.

"Alistair. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.", she replied.

Ashtoreth entered the servants small dining room. She had timed her arrival perfectly. The staff had sat down for lunch.

"Everyone!", said Higgins, calling for the attention of his co-workers. "Look who decided to show up and see if we're up to no good!"

It was strange for the demon, but he had enjoyed the time in the Dowling household, not only because he had enjoyed being a woman, but because the humans who worked here were decent. For once, the demon had not wished to strangle them.

"Nanny Ashtoreth!"

"My goodness, you don't look a day older!"

So many voiced greeted her, so many familiar faces. And the demon was surprised that he was pleased to see most of them again

Whispers were exchanged by the new members of staff.

Ashtoreth bowed politely.

"Hello everyone. I am sorry to disturb your lunch so rudely."

"Shall I fix you a plate, Miss Ashtoreth?", the elderly cook asked, standing up. Ashtoreth just shook her head, adding a sad demeanour to her look.

"I shall not disturb you long, my friends. I only came here because I have to share some sad news, which I thought I had to deliver in person."

The room grew very still all of a sudden. Everyone, even the new staff members who didn't know the woman, listened.

"I'm afraid that Brother Francis has passed away last week."

Before once again slipping into the skin of Nanny Ashtoreth, Crowley had fought with himself to tell a "lie" like this.  
Of course, Brother Francis had never been truly real.  
But he felt that Nanny Ashtoreth was as much a part of him as Brother Francis was of Aziraphale. Still, a little ruse was necessary for the Angels future happiness.

So he had decided to don the clothes of his Nanny persona once again and deliver the sad news of her co-workers death.

"It was a very private ceremony.", she continued. "His nephew asked me to deliver the news to you all. And please do not be worried. He passed very peacefully and without pain."

While her ex-coworkers were discussing the sad news (and some were shedding true tears), Nanny Ashtoreth looked for the face of a woman in the crowd – and found her at the far side of the table.

"Lillianne, dearest. Would you mind if we had a word in private?"

* * *

The phone rang. Aziraphale answered.

"Hello?"

"Aziraphale, you have a date tonight."

"W-What? _Tonight_, tonight?"

"Yes. Be at the little Italian Place you like so much at 8."

"How did you-"

"No questions. Just don't act surprised and play along."

The line went dead.

* * *

It was hard not to act surprised upon seeing who his Blind Date was.

Aziraphale sat at a table for two, with a candle for romantic effect, surrounded by the soothing smell of delicious italian food and piano music.

The door of the restaurant opened and Aziraphale immediately recognised the woman who entered.

Lillianne Willow had been one of the gardeners at the Dowling estate. She had been about thirty years old at the time he and Crowley had entered the scene.  
Now, fourteen years after first laying eyes on her, she was a woman in the prime of her life.

She radiated warmth, kindness and love. She was a short woman with hazelnut-coloured locks, a body shape similar to his own and her smile could light up a room in an instant.

They had been friends and she had taught him a great deal.

And now she was supposed to be his Blind Date?

_She doesn't know I was Brother Franci_s, Aziraphale reminded herself, standing up to greet the lady. She smiled and held out her hand.

"Hello, you must be Aziraphale.", she greeted him, smiling.

"It's nice to meet you, Lillianne", Aziraphale said, quite nervous.

He had never thought of Lillianne, nice and wonderful though she was, with a romantic interest.  
Aziraphale did not know how to start the conversation, but luckily, he didn't have to.

"I am so sorry to hear of your uncle's death.", she said. "Brother Francis was very dear to me, and a good friend. I wish I would have met him once again before his passing."

_Ah_, thought Aziraphale, _that's what Crowley meant by playing along. Great, he killed me..._

"Thank you for your sympathies.", he answered. "He was very dear to me as well."

"Nanny Ashtoreth was very worried about you.", she continued, "and asked for me to meet you. Aks if you need anything. And she said I would probably very much like to meet you."

"Did she now? Well, my uncle did tell me a little bit about you. He told me a funny story about a raspberry bush?"

Lillianne laughed. "Oh, he told you about that? And here I thought that was a conversation starter that would lighten up the mood."

Aziraphale smiled. "Well. We are having a conversation, are we not? So it worked!"

"It seems that way."

They ordered their food. They talked. And it was almost as if the last eight years away from the Dowling household had never happened.

* * *

It was past midnight when Aziraphale finally came into the bookshop.

The smile on his face almost made Crowley physically sick. It was obvious that he had enjoyed himself.

Could it really have been so simple?

Did he like Lillianne? Was it possible for him to spend the rest of her days with her?

"I take it you had a good time?"

Aziraphale jumped a little with fright, not having paid attention to his surroundings. Crowley had waited for him and was slouching on one of his chairs.

"Oh, dear boy, you startled me. Yes, I had a _wonderful_ time," he answered.

Crowley almost snarled.

"You've liked her in the past, she was a good friend. I thought you might hit it off."

"It was very nice to see her again, I have to admit. And she is ageing very well. Such a beautiful woman, she is."

Crowley fought the impulse to clench his fists.

This was good. His Angel was **happy**. _So why am I feeling awful?_

"Are you going to see her again?", the demon asked, dreading the answer.

Aziraphale slipped out of his coat and put it up on his coatrack.

"Yes, I will. She invited me to the Dowling estate and we're going to have tea with her husband next week."

What?

"What?"

"We're having tea with her husband next week. Do keep up, dear."

Aziraphale smiled, pouring two glasses of wine and giving one of them to Crowley.

"She's been married for four years, Crowley.", he explained.

"Next time you set up a Blind Date for me, do be sure that it's someone who is single."

Crowley didn't answer. He just downed his glass of wine in one gulp and poured himself another.

* * *

**Bonus**:

"_**NANNY**_!"

Ashtoreth almost jumped out of her skin.

She turned around, but was instantly picked up and embraced in a bear hug by a very muscular tall young man of nineteen years. And he almost crushed her ribs.

But she didn't care. She had missed him too. And how he had changed!

"It's very nice to see you too, Master Warlock." she smiled.

They had tea and talked for hours.


	3. Blind Date Number 2

**Blind Date Number 2 – The Man at the Ritz**

* * *

Dinner at the Ritz had by now evolved into a weekly indulgence for the angel and the demon. After 6000 years of chaperoning humanity, they felt that they deserved it.

Crowley watched Aziraphale enjoy a wonderful and probably overpriced lasagna, while he himself thought about his first attempt at getting the angel a date.

It had not been a total failure.

Aziraphale had been happy and was now reconciled with an old (or new, in her case) friend. He enjoyed spending time with Lillianne, and her husband.

The date had taken place a month ago. Since then, the demon had decided to take it slow and scout for the next candidate more carefully.

Today was the day to procure another date for his angel. For the last three Friday evenings, he had noticed a man, probably a regular, watching them.

He always sat at one of the tables at the wall, alone, eating the evenings recommendation. He had a glass of expensive wine and every week so far he had stolen curious glances at Aziraphale who, of course, was oblivious.

The man was not bad looking either. He seemed to be in his late forties. Everything on him screamed "I have more money that I can ever spend", but that was not a criteria Crowley put any importance too. He and Aziraphale could miracle up money if they pleased.

"You're being awfully quiet tonight, dear boy", Aziraphale said and brought the demon back from his daydream. As hoped, the yet unknown man was sitting at his usual table.

"'m fine, Angel. Just a bit tired, I guess."

Aziraphales brow furrowed. "Autumn is coming", he said, knowing that the decreasing temperatures made his friend drowsy. "Maybe the weather is making you tired."

They waved a waiter over for the bill.

"Can you go outside Angel and wait for me, for a moment? I've got a quick temptation to do."

"Really, we're not obligated to do that anymore. Crowley, you shouldn't..."

"I'll make it quick..."

Aziraphale sighed.

"I'll wait outside then."

As soon as Aziraphale had left through the front door, Crowley swayed to the older gentleman, a smirk on his lips.

"'scuse me, Sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have been watching me and my friend for a while now. May I make a suggestion?"

* * *

A week later, Aziraphale found a note pinned to his desk in the morning, informing him that he would have another blind date in the evening.

_Angel,_

_I've arranged another Blind Date for you tonight._

_Be at the Ritz at the usual time._

_-C_

Aziraphale put the note down with a sense of excitement.

Another date. He had been reconciled with a dear friend at the last one, maybe this one would be similar!

He was a little sad that he would not be spending his night with Crowley, though. But the demon had worked so hard.

He was trying to make the angel happy, and he appreciated it. Knowing that Crowley cared was wonderful, he just wished the demon would care for him in another way.

* * *

At exactly 7:30, Aziraphale was led to his usual table and was the first to arrive.

It didn't take long before a handsome man with jet black hair and an expensive dark blue suit was shown to his table.

"Mr. Fell? My name is Ronald Blackwood. Your acquaintance has set up this... meeting for us last week."

Aziraphale smiled and shook his hand.

"Please, do call me Aziraphale.", he said.

"I will try. May I sit?"

"Please."

The angel could not pinpoint the exact reason why he felt strange after a while. It was like a little warning bell was ringing in his head.

Something was wrong.

They both ordered the evening's special, a wonderful salmon with scrumptious sauce and a bottle of very expensive wine.

"Your aquaintance says you run an antique bookstore?", Ronald finally said, swirling his glass in his hand.

"Why, yes I do. Do you have an interest in books?"

"I am interested in many things.", the man said, his voice suddenly a whisper. "I wanted to inquire about your boy, in particular."

Aziraphale looked at the man quizzically.

"My boy?"

"Your acquaintance. The man who set up our little meeting. I've been watching you two for the last two Fridays and I have been wondering which agency you frequent."

It took a while for the angel to realise what his date meant.

And when the penny dropped, it dropped hard.

So hard in fact that the burst of anger that was emitted from the angel caused every single glass in the restaurant to burst.

* * *

Crowley knew exactly why his heart jumped with joy when Aziraphale came through the door of the bookshop two hours before he expected him.

The date had been awful, it seemed.

And then he remembered that that had not been his goal. It was supposed to be a great date!

But he suppressed the joy of seeing him, recognising that the angel was fuming.

Before he could ask what was wrong though, Aziraphale miracled himself a glass of brandy and downed in a gulp.

"I suspect it didn't go so well?", Crowley finally said, sitting down, waiting for the pacing angel to slow down.

"We can't go to the Ritz for a while.", he answered, no explanation given.

"Why not?"

"Because, apparently, everybody there thinks that I only go there to wine and dine my _fucking rent boy!_", he exclaimed, crashing down into his armchair with the movement of a fainting dandy – way too dramatic.

Crowley coughed.

"I'm sorry, _did you just drop the f-bomb on me! _?"

"Oh shush, dear, that's beside the point."

Aziraphale then did something very unlike him. He stripped off his shoes without undoing them first and curled his legs up.

"The man you set me up with, _Ronald_...", he almost cursed, "thought that I was consulting and agency for _company_. The kind that also caters in... carnal desires. And that every time we left we were on our way to my bookshop to... to..."

The angel had turned so red he almost looked like a cherry.

So, the guy had been.

"Wait... Let me get this straight. The guy thought_ I _was a rent boy?"

"Yes!", Aziraphale exclaimed. "And apparently half of the staff at the Ritz thought the same! The _audacity_ of that man!"

"So...ah..."

Aziraphale explained how the rest of the evening had went.

After a few miracles the memories of the diners had been altered, glasses and drinks repaired, and Ronald had excused himself, suddenly in very urgent need of the bathroom.

"I left and... Well..."

Crowley leaned forward, carefully stroking Aziraphales shoulder in what he hoped was a friendly way.

"Don't worry, Angel. We'll find someone for you."


	4. Blind Date Number 3

**Blind Date Number 3**

Crowley was about to leave after dropping Aziraphale off at his date.

He had found a bookish, cute, cosy looking woman a few days ago, thinking they might click.

But before he could turn the Bentley around, Aziraphale came out of the coffeeshop again, looking absolutely disgusted.

He opened the door, sat down and ordered the demon to drive.

"What..."

"She was using a _Kindle_, Crowley!"

"Oh..."

And that was that.


End file.
